I write everyday. It’s no longer a hobby. It’s an addiction. An outlet. Therapy. A drug of sorts.
Some nights it may be as simple as a few words on the weather. Some mornings it’s six pages on why I love the color emerald green. It’s a study on what I find beautiful in people, in nature, and…sometimes within myself. Tonight I wrote:
“Some days I feel like I have been forged in fire, a battle axe of molten metal with a mouth of iron barbs. And it’s taken me a long time to recognize it’s not just ripcord defensiveness, it’s a baptism of bitterness and confusion and: “Why the fuck does no one see me?” …I push myself to the rocky limits of my imagination, I live for moonlight and disappear into dark woods to memorize the constellations, study the way of green plants and how soil feels between my fingers, and content myself by devouring millions of words on millions of pages…and I am still not sure I love myself completely. But, damn, I’m trying.”
My goal with these monthly personal posts was to offer a different level of intimacy to my blogging. In January, I shared a tour of my living room bookshelves with all the oddities and junk finds which bring me joy in my home. In February, I highlighted a few of my favorite photographs from 2017 because photography challenges the hell out of me.
We’re now over halfway into the month of March. Holy smokes.
Tonight, I decided to share a few other things I’m interested in outside of writing. No rhyme or reason. Simply things I’m “into” right now because it’s an ever-changing wheel. I catch fire with a spark of interest, dive headfirst into a subject, eat it whole, then move on to the next fascination.
I just finished a re-read of The Iliad and, subsequently, watched the movie Troy (which I’d never seen). Mythology in general has always held my interest but there is something about the Greek sector that I can never get enough of. I have a shelf full of books I’ve read a handful of times and I faithfully return to them – Mythology by Edith Hamilton, a few highlighted/dog-earred Joseph Campbell editions, and copies of Antigone and Medea from college. This was my first go ’round of reading Rouse’s translation of The Iliad and The Odyssey (read it back in January) and I LOVED these particular renditions. Rouse takes away the poetic edges and replaces them with abrupt storyline prose – creating reads in simple language.
Give me anything and everything tarot right now. I am so intrigued. Currently waiting on my own deck of cards to arrive in the mail to “feel” them.
Ironically, I’m drawn to the Knight cards as a whole. However, the Knight of Pentacles in particular already has my heart. Is that a thing? Can you feel a certain affinity/attraction to a card? Because I do.
Simple makeup. Hell, some days I’ve gone to work with nothing on. It’s this sort of unintentional makeup cleanse. I’m starting to wonder if I’m showing the beginning signs of rosacea, so I’ve been trying to learn my natural skin the best I can – what it reacts to, when it’s “at peace” (not red), staying hydrated, etc. – Having sensitive skin is challenging but the more I’m learning, the better I feel going without foundation. It feels nice, actually.
Exploring with Brown Dog. Seriously, my heart has never felt more content than when I’m outside running/climbing/hiking/walking with him. We are fortunate enough to have a backyard that’s a river bottom playground and there is something new to discover every single time we go out. It’s as if all the weight I accumulate during the day just sheds off when we make our trek across the acreage. The sound of birdsong, the wind across the water, the crunch of rabbits and squirrels fleeing the hunt – it’s all a balm to my soul.
Been sorting through all my old pictures the last week or so in my “special box.” There is something timeless about seeing the people you love captured in a different era. To see the same fire in their eyes and to wonder: “What were they passionate about at that age?” (Sidenote ⬆️ :: Wasn’t my Papaw a doll?)
Each month so far, I’ve left on a note of what “word” I’m trying to focus on. This month has been: “acknowledge.” Acknowledge the people who light me up, who push me to be better, who teach me, who lay their trust in my hands. Acknowledge them and be grateful. I worry I don’t tell people enough how much I love them, how much I treasure who they are. Acknowledge and make the time, that’s where I’m at this month, hoping it’ll become as easy as breathing to say: “You matter to me.”